Non-fiction. Might produce facepalms. Forgive my Formula 1 Racing Etiquette. It’s just that when you meet your match you just go meet your match. It’s just that there are things you cannot explain. You may launch a tirade about not believing at love at first sight, it’s okay, I did not even believe in the concept of marriage prior to this. I didn’t even know what hit me at first. But this here is a story that happened. Also, do not try this at home. This is a spontaneous act and could not have worked should the circumstances have been different. I do not know. But I think it all started here.
March 9, 2012:
My husband (not yet my husband at this time) posted this on Facebook as a troll status –
“Public announcement: “Wanted Girlfriend”
3×3 I.D Picture
My response (typed in the chat box, as a troll letter as well):
Dear Mr. Edman Chris Dominique,
My name is Natalia Torres, 21 years old, and I have read your FB status, claiming that you want a girlfriend or girl friend.
I heard that you want someone simple. However, my being austere is not as obvious as you would want it to be. I am a woman; therefore, you should expect me to be as complicated as my gender would allow. Nevertheless, all my sexuality will be yours, should you accept me as your girlfriend.
I heard that you are a mailman, and it is one of my wishes that you will be able to read my letter untainted with the hands of other mailmen. Hence, I will deliver this personally.
Since I am applying and hoping that you will hire me, I will dress appropriately for that occasion, for you to be able to love me as soon as you set your eyes upon yours truly. Should you fall in love with me as soon as you see me, sir, I will definitely not let you down, for I will go down on you as often as required. I will also do my best to satisfy and fulfill your expectations. We may talk about my compensation scheme when you are able to evaluate my performance as a talented, well-rounded, smart, and efficient girlfriend.
Attached is my TIN number, resume, and an erotic poem I solely dedicate to you, Sir.
If you suggest, I may read it to you aloud, and I will moan as softly as I can, while touching myself according to your orders.
Apparently, I never did become a girlfriend (because that was Natalia, my trolling alter-ego).
We met March 17, to supposedly write a song together (he holds the mic in his band called Anonymous). Something more beautiful than a song came out of that rendezvous, something akin to the letter’s “Should you fall in love with me as soon as you see me, sir” part. Something like the movie Hotel Transylvania’s so-called zing.
There was no wedding. But we got married a week after, and celebrated our first lifetime painting a mural together.
That’s also the start of The Poet and The Painter Series, renamed as The Eros-Bound Envelopes.
Vivien Marie Lopez Jorillo
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